Uncertainty

I’m not quite sure where exactly my life is going at the moment, but the waters are not at all calm.

I am mourning the loss of my mother and step-father.
I am celebrating the birth of a grandson.
And I am in limbo with a relationship that is burning out.

Emotionally, I am broken.
Mentally, I am exhausted.

I have no diversions or distractions (at least not physical ones).  And that for me, is a first.  I generally have someone on the fallback.  Someone who wants nothing from me but physical closeness, and temporary interaction.

I feel alone.  And I feel like i’ve stayed too long at a party I wasn’t even invited to.

My goal was not to even be here.