..and the pursuit of happiness

What makes a person happy?

Money? Security? Accomplishment?

I don’t know...

I tend to overthink my life - and my boredom hits like the tide, pulling at everything on it’s way out, and drowning everything when it comes back in.

On a 1-10, my life is about an 7-1/2, an 8 if I am being generous.

There isn’t a lot that I want.  Maybe time.  But I don’t really want time.

But I don’t know exactly what I am waiting for.

I’m not waiting on people, or more specific a person - as the people in my life have been temporary at my own doing.

I’m not waiting on validation.  Because there is a major part of me that simply doesn’t care.  In fact, I am completely numb to most things around me.

I’m not waiting on an experience.  As the experiences in my life have been remarkable and devastating both in one big bouquet.

I guess I’m waiting to see if I did it all correctly.  My choices.  My children.  My life.  The pieces are in play.

I have set it all up the way I thought it all should go.  The way that I believe it to be true.

In spite of my upbringing.  In spite of my surroundings.  In spite of my experiences.

I’m not looking forward to a later life of “happy ever after”, because I just don’t believe it exists.

I trust no one to have any of my interests at heart.  In fact I simply trust no one.  I trust me.

Maybe my own trust, is what makes me happy.

Maybe being self aware of my faults, vulnerabilities, and strengths is what makes me happy.

I’m happy, but bored.